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I WANT TO DIE BUT I WANT TO EAT TTEOKBOKKI (2022) BY BAEK SEHEE – ONE KOREAN WRITER’S HONEST DEPICTION OF MENTAL HEALTH

BOOK REVIEW EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ELLA KELLEHER WRITES – In occasions of darkness, when all appears hopeless and lackluster, South Korean writer Baek-Sehee’s thoughts usually conjures up numerous inquiries to encourage religion: What concerning the those that love you? What concerning the tens of millions of potentialities the place issues can get higher? And maybe most significantly, do not you wish to eat tteokbokki once more?

Creator Baek Sehee

Korean writer Baek-Sehee has her entire life forward of her. She works as a profitable younger social media director at a publishing home the place her boss de ella appears to genuinely care about her. But, regardless of her loving associates and doting household, she finds herself at a loss. She feels depressed, consistently working low, feeling anxious, and self-conscious. On the surface, she cultivates an ideal porcelain masks for her family members, who’re by no means conscious of the agony she endures. To seek out solutions, she decides to seek the advice of a psychiatrist. What’s mistaken along with her? Such turmoil cannot be regular, proper?

I wish to die however I wish to eat tteokbokki (2022) is Baek-Sehee’s phenomenal mix of memoir and self-help ebook that has rapidly grow to be a Korean bestseller, really helpful even by a BTS member. Korea is infamous for its blasé perspective in the direction of psychological well being significance and its extremely disturbing work and social environments, a recognized consider youth suicides. Baek-Sehee’s newest ebook desires to shed the protecting curtain over psychological well being points which have stigmatized this ongoing epidemic. Weaved seamlessly into English by translator Anton Hur, I wish to die however I wish to eat tteokbokki is each inspiring and eye-opening as we step into the thoughts of a tormented particular person who we can’t assist however relate to.

I wish to die however I wish to eat tteokbokki – Bloomsbury Publishing, London UK – 208 pages – 2022

Residing and dealing in Korea myself, presumably probably the most comforting Korean snack one can take pleasure in at any hour of the day is the chewy, generally spicy rice muffins referred to as tteokbokki. In her lowest moments of her, Baek reaches for a plateful of this acquainted consolation which in flip wraps her abdomen in a heat, nostalgic hug, tempting her to remain on this Earth a short time longer.

Baek is rapidly identified with a persistent case of despair, additionally known as dysthymia, by her psychiatrist. Baek describes her situation de ella as feeling “hole,” a world in a everlasting state of blue-hour the place she feels “obsessive fear” over how others understand her actions and look de ella. Baek information her twelve-week periods along with her psychiatrist to fight her “reminiscence block,” which may occur in occasions of stress and excessive depth. Afterward, Baek pursues a decade of remedy to grapple along with her psychological well being. In her time of reflection, she determined to compile the recordings for her ebook of her in an effort to achieve out to an viewers that will want it.

Meals brings Baek an excessive amount of pleasure – that is one thing we will all relate to. Nevertheless, being a younger South Korean lady entrenched in a extremely gendered and looks-driven society, she feels responsible about her coping mechanism. Baek recounts her struggles with disordered consuming and binge-eating dysfunction. Her ideas of her spiraling uncontrolled, unraveling in a darkish, twisted mess earlier than her psychiatrist: “They hate me. I am hiding.”

Baek, to some extent, is conscious of how social media and fashionable society play into her already fragile self-image, placing strain on the already-there cracks and fissures. Baek explains, “I wish to love my very own face, however I like different faces a lot that I am unable to look fairly to myself.” The simplification of human beings is probably one of the heinous signs of widespread social media utilization. We aren’t merely ugly or lovely – it is by no means that straightforward. Subtly, the psychiatrist touches on this phantasm when explaining that “the folks whose faces you want are in all probability lovely, and the faces you do not like could be lovely, too.”

Baek’s worthwhile writing helps normalize anxieties and stresses. This highly effective ebook is Baek’s catharsis, a pouring out of her coronary heart and thoughts onto pages that remind the reader that we aren’t broken or fatally flawed in any respect. Feeling imperfect and depressed is part of the impossibly advanced cloth of the human expertise.

Baek’s story doesn’t finish with a “treatment.” She doesn’t end this story by claiming she had been erased of her despair and anxiousness. She discovers that there is no such thing as a “treatment,” no god tablet, or mind-mastering psychiatrist who “fixes” her. In the long run, she merely continues on an ever-evolving journey of self-love and private progress. Maybe the best message of this ebook is to hunt others in our time of want, to replicate on our ache and struggling, and to seek out consolation within the easiest pleasures like sticky, fried rice muffins.

LMU English main graduate Ella Kelleher is the AMI ebook assessment editor-in-chief and a contributing employees author for Asia Media Worldwide. She majored in English with a focus in multi-ethnic literature.

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